mastering the ebb and flow

I have to write that this is more of a therapeutic post for me, than it is perhaps to garner any feedback - as I appreciate the post overall is perhaps unrelateable for those who aren't in careers that are fluctuating, like mine. I've hit "edit" on this post at least twelve times, as I wonder if there is any final observation that we can all learn from, but alas, no. There is not. Anyhow, this is just a Friday ramble.

Being self employed, I naturally regulate the flow of where I direct my creative energy. I've found that on a regular basis part of my life is managing where my creativity is focused. Sometimes it's 80% at my shop 10% on "hobbies", and then another 10% being creative documenting those hobbies on my blog. Other times I feel like my creative energy is 99% on the shop and so those weeks you'll likely see little activity on the blog.



These shifts are typically effortless and without much consideration - it's the life of a creative. But sometimes it is really hard to manage, when say, I'd like to devote 80% to my shop and, 50% to hobbies, 80% to my blog. (I'm no math genius but I know that those numbers don't add up) Those times I feel overwhelmed and like I need to drop something from my plate. Sometimes things do get taken off my plate and other times I just let it ride out and things work themselves out.

I want to say "yes!" to everything. Saying "yes" pushes us creatively, and as people. It opens up new doors, and, occasionally is a great thing for a career. Unfortunately, the downside of saying yes is that stress typically arises when I find new hobbies or, new loves because I have to figure out how everything works together, and temporarily that "ebb and flow" I've mastered goes out of whack.

Unfortunately I feel like it is out of whack right now because unlike in this past winter when I was lacking creativity - I'm now bursting at the seams with creative projects. As I write this today, I have a tight feeling in my chest, feeling like I'm dropping so many balls and so many things on my plate that I legitimately WANT to do. My ebb and flow is being thrown out of whack. And I'm wondering if I really should say "Yes" to everything. Obviously the answer is no.

So I'm left trying to categorize what is what is work, vs, what is "fun" and drop what is perhaps not work. But for me, everything is woven together, so it's not really all that clear as to what is work, vs. what is "hobby". Which leads me to wonder if I'm doing the right career when I have so many interests. Is there something that I should be focusing on more, that will be creatively fulfilling but also be financially rewardable?  Should I be focusing on liscencing more? Should I be approaching shops to sell my prints? Should I open a actual retail store? All these things run around in my head. And as I say yes to all these things that make me happy, and inspire me, I unfortunately loose the ebb and flow that keeps me sane.

Anyhow, this is really just a self reflection post  - sometimes frustrated at the lack of inspiration and other times, the overwhelming influx of ideas that makes it hard to do them all. I'm sitting here on this Friday afternoon, with a tight feeling in my chest feeling overwhelmed and wanting to do so much, that I'm not really doing anything. (But likely, I will be going to Starbucks, hitting up Value Village and then coming back to work)

Ps., I know this post is ridiculously personal and likely to some, unrelateable. And as much as I don't think we as writers need to show "realness" all the time, the good and the bad, I do think that sometimes posts like this perhaps can be relateble for some or at the very least - therapeutic for me. 

P.p.s, I updated the photo for this post because it was much more appropriate. ;)